I’m sitting in my office – it’s Thursday morning and I should be working. But my brain is struggling to unwrap itself from my anger and frustration.
I’m raising my grandson, Austin. Austin is 7, and he is truly wonderful, a gift from God. Yesterday he had to come to work with me – the county we live in was badly flooded on Monday, and the schools were closed for two days. He left a note for me on my office whiteboard: “don’t sped money on me exsept for a litesaber” “thak you very much, thak you SO much!”
Can I tell you that reading that makes me want to cry? It does. Partly for joy, and partly because it highlights his mother (my daughter)’s illness and selfishness. I am so damn angry at her that I can hardly think of her without feeling my blood pressure rise. So lately I do my damndest NOT to think of her. At times that makes me feel like a total shit-heel. Today I am aware that it is only self preservation and that I have every right to preserve myself. Unfortunately I took a glance at her FaceBook page BEFORE I remembered the whole self preservation thing. She has a new dog. And is desperate to get back together with her boyfriend, whom she wants to have a family with. This is the same “person” who was with her when she last showed up at my house. In the middle of the day. When I am normally at work. To “pick up her stuff”. When they left, some of MY stuff magically disappeared. My new saw. Never even out of the box, in fact, not yet completely paid for. Guess I don’t really need to replace the molding in my house after all. There is no more jewelry to disappear. No more cash in the house, no left over prescription drugs, no iPod, no new XM radio that I hadn’t been able to have installed yet. No Wii, no Guitar Hero….. What there IS in my house, is 5, yes FIVE, flipping cats (only one of which is mine) 2 dogs (also mine) and a parrot (NOT mine). And one boy. One wonderful, sweet, smart, handsome boy. Who hasn’t seen or heard from his “mother” since school started. Oh – wait – there WERE those two or three phone calls and a scattering of texts. Yeah – in which he was told that I stole him from her. Yeah – that’s me, the thief.
My next story was SUPPOSED to be about the beginning of this part of my life – but instead you got a rant from an angry woman….Maybe we will just start from here and see if you want to join me on my journey to raise Austin and get past my bitterness and disappointment in my daughter.
And just maybe, I might manage to find happiness and peace along the way!